What to Write in a Sympathy Card

Overview: Simple phrases like "I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know I'm here for you" or "Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time" are meaningful and appropriate. Avoid clichés and focus on genuine compassion - sincerity matters more than finding perfect words.

When a friend, colleague, or loved one experiences a loss, sending a card with flowers is one of the simplest yet most meaningful ways to show you care. But many people find themselves stuck on one question: what to write in a sympathy card?

This guide shares examples of sympathy card messages, tips for writing sincerely, and how to pair your words of sympathy with meaningful gestures like funeral flowers, wish cards, or elegant calla lilies.

Tips for Writing Sincere Sympathy Card Messages

Crafting words for a bereavement card starts with empathy. Here’s how to make your message meaningful in NZ’s diverse culture:

Keep it short: 3-5 sentences that feel genuine, like “I’m here for you.”
Personalize: Mention a memory, e.g., “[Name]’s laugh lit up every gathering.”
Avoid clichés: Skip “they’re in a better place”; try “My heart’s with you.”
Add Kiwi touches: Use “aroha” for Māori whānau or “aiga” for Pasifika families.
Be cautious: Avoid religious tones unless you know they’re welcome.
A simple “Kia kaha” (stay strong) can add a local touch, perfect for a sympathy note for flowers.

Words for Sympathy Cards: Examples

Here are some examples of sympathy card messages you can adapt depending on your relationship:

For a Friend

“I’m so sorry for your loss. Please know I’m here to listen, to talk, or just to sit in silence with you.”
“Holding you in my thoughts during this difficult time. Sending aroha and strength.”

For a Colleague

“Thinking of you and your family at this time of sorrow. Your work family is here for support.”
“Please accept my deepest condolences. Wishing you peace and comfort.”

For Family

“Arohanui to you and your whānau. May the memories of [Name] bring you comfort.”
“Our hearts are with you during this time of bereavement.”

Pair with our serene calla lilies for a peaceful tribute.

Pairing Calla Lilies with a sympathy card for close family losses is ideal because their elegant white blooms symbolize peace and purity, resonating with New Zealand’s cultural practices, like tangihanga, and complementing the heartfelt tone of messages like “My heart aches for your whānau.

For Pet Loss

Dear [Name], Losing [Pet’s Name] is so hard; they were family. Thinking of you, [Your Name].
Kia ora [Name], [Pet’s Name] brought such joy. Sending aroha from [City], [Your Name].

Include a wish card for a comforting touch.

Short & Universal

“With deepest sympathy.”
“Thinking of you in this time of loss.”
“Sending love and comfort.”

These words for bereavement cards or words for condolence cards don’t need to be long or complicated - sincerity is what matters most.

Cultural Sensitivity in New Zealand

New Zealand’s diversity means that messages and words for sympathy cards may carry additional cultural significance. Taking even a small step to acknowledge cultural traditions can make your words feel more genuine and considerate.

Māori traditions
In Māori culture, whānau (family) and aroha (love, compassion) are central during times of grief. Many tangihanga (funeral ceremonies) are extended gatherings where support is expressed collectively. A simple phrase such as “Arohanui to you and your whānau” acknowledges both compassion and family.
Pacific Islander communities
In Samoan, Tongan, and other Pasifika cultures, bereavement is often observed as a deeply communal event where extended family and community take part in supporting the grieving household. Messages that highlight unity and togetherness, such as “Holding your family in our thoughts and prayers” or “May you find strength in your community”, are often appropriate.
Asian communities
For Chinese, Indian, and other Asian New Zealanders, traditions around mourning vary widely. Red is generally avoided in sympathy contexts for Chinese families, while white flowers often symbolise peace. If you’re unsure, neutral and respectful language, such as “Thinking of you in this time of loss” is always safe.

The Best Rule of Thumb

If you don’t know the family’s cultural background or customs well, keep your message simple, respectful, and heartfelt. Phrases like “With deepest sympathy” or “Thinking of you and your family” are universally understood and appreciated.

TL;DR:

Keep your sympathy message simple, sincere, and heartfelt. Pair your words with thoughtful flowers to create a meaningful expression of compassion and support.